Well, this one is for the ones who are sick n tired of my boring blogs. Well, at least I am bored of my sickening criticizing satirical blogs, and so I have tried out something very different this time by pulling out couple of platonic love letters. Nothing can be as fresh and pure than love, ain’t it? The first one was most probably published in a Bengali daily few years ago. It was Osama’s letter to Mamata. I know, I am not being completely original this time, by taking reference of an old letter. But what the hell screw it. I apologize whole-heartedly to both the parties for bringing this up again.
It goes something like this:
Now, I know not all my readers are not Bongs (huh, as If I have so many readers), so I had to do a translation of this letter in English. I know that most of the puns will be circumcised down to a large extent due to the language barrier (Yeah, you can re-read my blog on Languages once again.) But,here’s what the letter meant:
Dear Fire Lady Mamata,
I am writing this letter from a secret hiding place in a rocky desert. They don’t have a Post office, Fed Ex or even Facebook out here (Can you believe it, no Facebook?). So, I am sending this to you through a gigantic cloud in the sky, hoping someday it will reach ya.
U must know by now, that the day you shouted “Buddha Hatao” (Buddhadeb Bhattacharya, Chief Minister of WB), I have fallen in love with you head over heels from that very day. It ain’t matter if its Baamiyan’s Buddha (the largest Buddha statue of the world which I had wiped off, remember?) or Baam Union’s Buddha (Baam means the Left in Bengali), I have my moral support in any kind of Buddha hatao drive. My terrorism comes under dharma (religion), while your terror from Dharmatala (a place in Kolkata where Mamata has done several rallies n dramatic stage shows). But see, where you are today and where I am.
He Cruel lady, you know that for you only today I am in this state.
U remember, you had shown the V for Victory symbol last time around after the elections. I thought you wanted to signal the ’twin towers’. So what does a crazy man, madly in love do? Wiped off those buggers from the face of earth. Bas, that was it, I am running around since then. But you never looked back. How can someone be so cruel?
That’s why finally I am writing this because I have heard that nobody returns with empty hands from you. Even a famous ex PM of India had once been at your door to have some special Bengali sweets, and you had not let him return empty stomach-ed (Atal ji). I don’t want Rossogollas, neither Fish Curry nor Bandhs. I just wanna tie the knot with you. That’s my humble proposal. We both will be benefitted from this. You will get your share of the Muslim vote easily, while nobody ever will have the balls to say that I am a Mamata-heen purush.
That’s it for today. Please reply. Miss ya , tkcr…:)
Yours n only yours,
Man of Fire… Osama
This letter had made me laugh like hell, and so I decided that Mamata should, I mean must write him back, even if she doesn’t mean it, you know, just to make him feel loved and that he doesn’t do a 9/11 again. So, after much coaxing, she finally wrote a letter to Osama and handed it to me so that I post it. But, you know me, spoilt from childhood, couldn’t resist tearing the envelope and do a quick read. Now that she is a Union minister, she has become fluent in English, and thus has written this in awesome English. Still, there might be few Bengali words (in bold) in the letter, for which I have an Index in the end specially for you. I am trying to put whatever I remember of that letter in a nutshell:
Dear Agnidebata Osama,
How dare you sending such a chithi to me?
I cannot handling more pressure of this kind before my final porikkha - The WB Election of 2011.
You don't know how much Khorkuto I am burning to get that Briddho Buddho out of Bangla.
Pleej understand my agenda is ‘Poriborton Chayi’... not ‘Patro Chayi’..
I hab already said No-No to Nano.
I hab also said No to so many men..I mean "So-men" before.
Becoj Like Bhagat Singh said "Ajadi hi meri dulhan hai", same to same "CM ka Chair hi mera Biye ki Piri hai"
My slogan is "Maa-Maati-Maao...Buddho Hatao"
I have wait for dui doshok to come to this historic moment when I am sure to pass my porikkha.
So , plij do not propose or disturb me, before my porikkha is over.
All the tough papers are already cleared , like Political-Jyoti, Physical-Subhash etc
Only the Buddho-Juddho paper is left, but I habe done special cochin class this time.
Also I habe refering ABTA Test papers (Aantel-Buddhijibi-Tuddhijibi Association)
I am already in Gola-jol trouble working for the Mao-badis.
Also, this Monmohon and Pronobda disturbs me a lot by saying "Didi, you need to concentrate on Railways...!"
They also demand that I come to Delhi sometime sometime...
Now you say Osama, is it possible for someone to concentrating so many works ek saathe ?
When you was planning to Attack Bush, was you thinking about your 54 Stri's?
So Love and war cannot be together...at least not now..
the day my Porikkha is over and I pass, I will flag off a new train known as Mao-Qaeda express running from Kabul to Kolkata.. And I will be doing waiting phor you here.
And after that nobody will have the guts to call you Mamata-heen...
Yours truly,
Didi... oops...
Mamata..!
Index*
Chithi = Letter
Porikkha = Exam
Khorkuto = hay
Poriborton Chayi = We want change (Mamata’s unique slogan, oops sorry, even Obama’s)
Patro Chayi = We want grooms (A classifieds in Anandabajar Potrika, which has made it the highest selling Bengali daily)
Biye ka piri = A wooden plank used in Bong marriages
Dui Doshok = 2 decades
Maati = Soil
Gola-jol trouble = Neck deep in trouble
Ek saathe = together
Habe = have (that’s how it sounds in Bengali)
Plij = Please (that’s how it sounds in Bengali)
Phor = for (u’ve got the trick now, right?)
